As soon as the calendar flips to November 1st, it begins. The sound of sleigh bells and decades-old Christmas songs seems to spill from everywhere, like an overflowing bath. From supermarkets and department stores to Instagram stories and posts, it’s inescapable, and for many, the stress starts to bubble and rise.
Most of those people, unsurprisingly, are women. According to a French study by IFOP, 62% of women report taking on more holiday labour than their partner, with 37% stating they take on significantly more.
We talk about the “magic” of Christmas, but is magic often simply someone else’s invisible labour?
Romanticising the holiday season is one of the best ways to survive the short, grey days and drizzle. Lighting a candle and picturing a Molly Weasley-style Christmas full of knitted jumpers and endless feasts feels cosy, but is it really just a way to cope with all the hard work? Molly Weasley did look a little stressed, after all.
The physical labour during this period is intense. Growing up, my mum would plan the Christmas Day cooking months in advance and squeeze in baking mince pies on Christmas Eve. By the first week of December, all the Christmas cards to distant relatives and friends we barely saw had to be sent. Next came deep-cleaning the house and decorating it perfectly, pencilling in dates for family and friend meet-ups, and booking a grooming appointment for the dog.
When she wasn’t working at her actual job, she would be sneakily buying gifts and hiding them in all sorts of odd places around the house, always on high alert and shooing me away if I got too close to one of her secret stashes.
Then came the cognitive labour, the endless planning and logistics. The big Christmas food shop had to be ordered, making sure everyone had what they needed, and that we were ready for the Twixmas period between Christmas and New Year. She made sure we were on time, well-dressed, and saying the right things to everyone we met. She remembered the gifts, made sure they were wrapped neatly, and kept track of all the little details that made the day run smoothly.
Finally came the emotional labour. Asking again and again if we liked our gifts while reminding us she still had the receipts. Calling family members to wish them a Merry Christmas. Making sure nobody was bored, left out, or overwhelmed throughout the day.
Only recently, as an adult woman, have I realised that the holidays aren’t a set of tasks; they’re a whole project requiring management, foresight, and emotional calibration.
Luckily, my Dad did his fair share, too, but that isn’t the case for a lot of heterosexual relationships. As far back as 1990, reports showed that women bore the brunt of the Christmas shopping load. Over thirty years on, why does this imbalance still persist, and has it worsened?
Dear Internet, Help!
Since the beginning of the month, my social media “For You” pages have been overflowing with gift ideas for every family member, friend, and neighbour, and I’m starting to feel frozen under the weight of executive decision fatigue. It makes me wonder: are men my age seeing the same relentless barrage, or is this another holiday load women just quietly shoulder?
New research reveals that no matter how successful they are in their careers or finances, mothers are still expected to carry not only the physical but the hidden cognitive load of running family life too. This proves that the pressure felt online reflects a much deeper, well-documented pattern. The constant stream of gift guides and reminders isn’t just seasonal noise; it taps into the broader expectation that women, and especially mothers, will manage the invisible planning that keeps family life running smoothly.
What shows up as personalised content on my phone mirrors what research confirms offline: the mental work of anticipating needs, making decisions, and ensuring no one is forgotten continues to fall disproportionately on women, regardless of how successful or independent they are in other areas of their lives.
This dynamic also plays out clearly in online spaces, where the private strain of festive planning becomes momentarily visible. On forums like Reddit, users describe the exhaustion of “carrying the weight of making sure that the entire day is full of magic and joy,” echoing both the research on hidden mental labour and the quiet pressure reflected in my social media feeds. These posts reveal how the expectation that women will orchestrate a perfect Christmas is not only widespread but also largely unspoken, leaving many with few outlets to articulate the stress they experience during the festive period.
The Myth of Christmas Magic (and Who Really Makes It Happen)
Holiday inequality is not an exception; it’s the most concentrated expression of year-round gender imbalance.
Structural and cultural forces could be behind this imbalance. The unequal division of festive labour does not emerge in isolation; it is shaped by long-standing traditions, cultural narratives, and learned family roles that continue to influence households in 2025. Christmas, in particular, is framed as a time of continuity and heritage, and women are often positioned as the custodians of these ideals.
During periods of festivity, such as Christmas, Easter, or Hanukkah, women are expected to remember which box the decorations are kept in and where they go, which recipes must be followed exactly, and which relatives require particular care or consideration. This cultural inheritance positions women as the keepers of family history, making deviation from tradition feel like a personal failure rather than a shared choice.
This festive culture links women’s value to their ability to create harmony and emotional satisfaction for others. The idea of a “perfect Christmas, for example, is rarely gender-neutral; it assumes an unseen organiser ensuring that gifts are thoughtful, meals are meaningful, and everyone feels included. This emotional labour is treated as natural rather than skilled, reinforcing the belief that women should instinctively know how to make holidays special.
Who Runs The World?
Men’s involvement is frequently framed as assistance rather than ownership. Because they are not socially expected to anticipate needs or manage the overall experience, they can step in for certain tasks without carrying responsibility for the outcome. Women, by contrast, are expected to hold the full mental blueprint of the holiday, from logistics to emotional tone, making it difficult to relinquish control without risking disappointment. These issues have continued to develop over time because society encourages girls to behave this way, and they learn these patterns within the heterosexual household. Over time, such patterns solidify into adult relationships, and women instinctively take on planning roles whilst men remain peripheral to the organisational process.
It’s no surprise that research by YouGov last year revealed that mothers report higher levels of Christmas-related stress than anyone else.
This overload in December, holding the responsibility for planning, remembering, anticipating, and emotionally managing a holiday alongside everything else, places sustained pressure on the brain. This kind of cognitive labour does not switch off once tasks are completed; it requires constant vigilance. Over time, this can lead to heightened stress, emotional exhaustion, and a sense of burnout, particularly when the labour is unacknowledged or taken for granted.
Throughout Christmas, women are mentally “on call”, even though the holiday is sold as a period of rest, relaxation, and renewal. Men, on the other hand, are more likely to benefit from the holy trinity of festive expectation, which can also lead to resentment and relationship strain.
But perhaps the most overlooked consequence of the period for women is the loss of pleasure. When holidays become a project to manage rather than an experience to enjoy, joy is replaced by obligation.
So, do we need a Christmas miracle for this to change?
Addressing the unbalanced festive loads, both physical and mental, requires redistributing responsibility, not just individual tasks. Women are set up in a cycle of feeling change means asking for “help, but instead of asking men for this, households need to shift towards ownership of entire components of the holiday, whether that be planning meals, managing gifts, or organising a social gathering.
Making such a shift often starts with visibility. Having a conversation about how much invisible labour is involved (and who is currently carrying it), can make the other half of the heterosexual partnership more aware. When the logistics involved are made explicit, imbalances become harder to ignore, and framing the holiday period as a shared project, rather than a spectacle managed by a single person, can reduce the strain placed on women and potentially encourage real collaboration.
When we say women ‘make Christmas happen,’ we’re really saying women are doing unpaid, invisible project management for an entire household. If we want more joyful, equitable holidays, we need to stop pretending this labour is natural, feminine, or effortless, and start treating it as real work.
Written by Eve Hebron.
Eve Hebron is a freelance writer currently working in education. Originally from North Wales, she studied in Manchester and London and is now based in Paris.
